mEmOry 1

sUmtime I’m not so sure about sharing dis things here..but I do wnt it as fOr me,,…dis is one of de best part in my life..when I’m juz follow de sound if my heart. Never turn back and juz rock de world.

dis memory of few month ago, when I’m still in iium nilai yg da lame I tinggal..and I don’t think about going back… x brmakna I x suke nilai, but there r few things, were really could messing me.

Catatan : 26^th dec

I stIil fEel frEsh its already 3.40a.m..whtElse can I dO hEre? sEkarang kat balkOni rUmah abaH. lOoking at evErywhere.,,, sUch a nIce vIew, bnYk bTol lampU kat cni. iT makEs me remEmber of yEsterdaY. At first its a tirIng day bUt acTually..it is a daY that cOuld bloOm my bEat. Hari apE ek??..hari yg BAHAGIA!

lEtih  jUgak semaLam bile t’pakSe fight ngan manusia2 kt KTM..beRagam ragam plAk tuh diOrg. I’m nOt brave enOugh bUt de willing that I have can’t stop me frum move my steps. My 1^st intention was to rock de wOrld (yeah..of cOurse!!) plus..i wanna sEe my broTher, Ahmad. Miss hIm already… anYway, after strUggling wth manUsia yg beraGam ragam, raIn, n mcm2…(de big deal is Miss. L) a lOt I have to bEar wth her. Tapi paling pEnting sekali I’ll nevEr reaCh KAJANG w/o her.

ThEre we are.. rEached hEntian kajang . We both so cOld coz mse tu hUjan lebat plus dlm teksi aircond pUnya la kUat pasang. Its enOugh to mAke us scRambling.while waiting fOr ahmad to fEtch us, I hve a cUp of tea to get sUm hEat mybe..abouT ten minUtes, he came and…I be spEechless. lOoking at hIm makEs a reliEf in me(rse sgt terharu). wth same face…same smile..segan2..definitEly, hE is my  brother.

To be continue…

I'm sOrrY..

hE is rEally sUmthinG in mY life..whY dId I aDmit it???....cOz I’m wAiting fOr hiS presence jUst now. I nOticE thaT hE is oTw here when  i rEad hIs tExt On mY nIla’s fOn. .pEtang tu jUgak wHilE I prepared fOods fOr my aUnt’s family, mY eYes is eVerywHere lOoking fOr him iF he is aRrived. sUmtimE I wEnt tO my rOom to sEe whether dE red caR is there. I dOn’t knOw whY I’m sO excitEd tO sEe him…bUt wHat I do cOnform iS,,mY my bEat want tO seE him in Order to fEel sum pEace inside....iTs noT mean tHat my lIfe is hOrriblE, but hE sUch a rElief…

I dOn’t knOw if I alrEady inheriTed mErlin’s mAgicS but..it is sUch an Instinc wHere I caN feEl that he iS aLreAdy arrived..i’m jUz tryIng tO prEtend lIke  nOthing happen insIde. I wOn’t my brothers eSpeciaLly my savOur nOticE that cOz it may hUrt…..(nTah la btOl ke x)..bUt fOr sure, prcayE atw x I am nOt looking at hIm at aLl..cOz its juz enough tO fEel hIs pResencE. or to bE frank, mybE I’m sCared if I can’t  sTop him from lEaving.  hOwever, lUcky mE..hE talk tO me bEfore hIs lEaving ( thanks bUddy!! )

                cIk M : pEtang nI balik sKali ngaN abAh ke KL?

                gOhan : xlaH, da cUti sEkarang.

                hIm : xlah mAk, diE da cUti lamE…laMe..lamE..

                          k.nGah, kEnape x bagI sEndri kErtas2 ni??

                gOhan : sEbab…seBab nak anGkat bajU(kt jEmuran)

tHen..i jUz leave hIm..bUt he callEd  my name n tOld mE that hE is lEaving. I wOn’t lEt hIm gO actually, indeed I nEed a frEn rite nOw…bUt I juz ignore it. mOre than knOw…hE can’T bE arOund. wEll…I hOpe tO seE him agaIn. pasaL kerTas2 tU plak, bUkan xnaK baGi sEndiri but I wOn’t hUrt anyone. Agak nYe ade yg x faHam “ I wOnt hUrt anyone”..i’ll eXplain latEr ok..

actUally I’m tHinking abOut calliNg him tOnight bUt I wOn’t dIsturb hIm….hE sEems vEry tiRed,….nIte sEven.

                

a reLief

sUch a relief..mEsyuaRat agOng kaT rUma da pOn sElesai. tHanks tO gOd, i.Allah bErkat kEsatUan haTi kEluargEku, dapAt la sElesai sEgala masLahat. waLaupOn pdE muLa nyE atmosphere mEeting tuh caM sUram bUt alHamdUlillah mY hErO , tO be mOre specific..my daD, know how tO handle it.(saYe saYang aBah saYe ).

Yg dE 3stOoges tadI baLik umAh tEros tidO,cOz tdo cUme dUe jAm je kT camp sEmalam. ucU kesaYangan kU tibE dlm pkOl 8p.m td..bErtmbah2 cErie la hdUp ku arI ni. bUat pEngetahUan sEmua, ucU ku ni sAngat2 baIk orGnyE..pEnyaYang n pEmurah. He is The bEst unclE I evEr had.

            sEven : hAri nI Hari apE ek?

            gOhan: haRi..hari yaNg cErIa!!

           

as cOld aS my bEat

dE wEather nOw is so sOld n plEasant..samE gOes tO my bEat rIte nOw.,frEsh n peace,,.wEll..sUnyi skit umah arI ni cOz de 3stOogEs arE nOt hEre. they r gOing 4 a cAmp buT I fEel nO rEgret of not being wth them. sEmpat jgK jEngok kt tinGkap n bYe2 kt sI manJe mEme, dE touching onE ikbAl n bdk kEcik cOmel yaItu amEn. sUke tEngOk diOrg n semEmangnyE penYeri hidOp.laU xde bdK tigE org niH plus jAan n my savOur maKa sUramlaH hIdup ku.

mY dad brU smpaI pEtang tadI, so happY tO seE hIm.bUt hIs face seems like hvE so many tHings that is nOt dOne yet.hOpefully hE can wOrk iT oUt.

sOb..sOb..

A mOntH alReadY my vacAtiOn..feeL liKe a yEar bEb!!..huH..b’jaYe juGak hadApi ari2 yG mEncabAr niH. sTory 4 tOday, nIla’s caR knE taRik cOz duE bulaN lEbih x bAyar. Al mAklUm lAh bnYk sGt isi rUmah yG nak kEne uRos. I fElt vEry sad tO watch all tHese, cOz I cAn’t dO nOthing to tUrn it right..bUt tUhan tu mAha kAya n da anta peNyelamAt iaiTu mY bElovEd uCu . wAlaupOn x sEteL haBis lg, aT least niLa dA bOley tEngok ciTe2 fAvOurite diE ngAn tEnang pEtang tadI. wHat makes mE worry nOw is, wHat wIll happen tO my bRothers?? diOrg da La tEgah adE pEmiliHan sUkan,cam paYah je diOrg nak gerAk..bUt I know that nIla will tHink sUmting 4 thEm. itU lah hEbat nyE my niLa..nEver give up. nO metTer wHat hAppen, sHe will sUrvive. thUmb up 4 niLa!!..wHen I tHink bOut nilA, I fEel helPless..i know sHe tries her bEst buT still  cannOt fUllfiLl others needs. lEt me Tell sUmthing, niLa sHould’nt gIve toO much, cOz we caN’t sAtisfIed everyone. inFact, gives sUm space for OwnsElf is bEtter in dIs cIrcumstAnce. I hOpe niLa bLey b’tAhan, cOz wE all need heR.

jAp tAdi tIme sEnt my yOungEst brother pEgi eXtra cLaz..On mY way..i feel like wAnna cRy.,I feel so lOnely, nEed a waRm shOulder to Lie fOr a wHile,.. fEel tiRed of bEing sacrIficed . tHat time, iF I aM in nIlai..i’m pretTy  suRe I’ll go to hEntian and mEet seven!! I nEed sEven right now. A wArm..cOmfort..sAfe..plEasant and hUmor..i’m nOt meant tHat people hEre is a mEss bUt I rEally nEed tO hEal up mY sElf.tO make it..i kNow, sEven is dE rIght pErson.wEll..bacK tO my rOom n I mAke a call.cHat wTh sEven fOr a wHile,listen tO hIs stOry..hE saId:

‘k.nGah,haRi ni aDe cite klakar..sEmalam adE extra cLaz cAmpor nGan clAz bDk pEmpuan.tHen ade sOrg bdk pEmpUan bAgi surAt.diE tUlis ‘naMe saYe kAnciL darI skOla ####,nAk bErkenAlan nGan aWak’

haHaahaAa..likE a nOrmal rOmEo n jUliEt,but sEven is nOt a kasanOva la. I trUst hIm, hE wilL nOt enTertain sUch tHing.tEngAh srOnok2 bOrak bEtry I habIs..nAk cHargE tapI x jUmpE cHarger. jAdi I take mY bAth and writing dIs gOhan sTory. bEfOre pEn oFf, tHanks tO gOd fOr gIving mE a liFe.

miSs 7

WhAt a tiRing dAy..!wEll.. I’m uSed to It acTually. But hAri niE maCam terLebiH pEnat. mY bRain dA mcaM larva Yg nAk meletOp..anywaY Iman mAsih di dAda, daPat la berTahan.  today da pLan naK have fUn ngAn iLa, buT as uSual la.. aDe je urUsan yang mEndaTang. dE yang nak peGi  jUmpe dentist la, mIntaK aMbik Kan kaT Terminal la, yang nAk knE jemPut dr Extra ClaZ pon sAtu hal gak. I have n0 cHoicE but cAncel mY pLan. mEantIme, my angel pLak wat hal. She is different pErson now, I cAn’t even recogNize her . sHe is no more my AngEl, myBe I caN saY shE is A giant mOunsTer tHat I really scared of. ShE is not lOking at me wIth her soft sight anymore, she is Not a HappY angel gIrl, sHe looks like uNhappY with heR own life and To be WorsE..shE mAkes rUin oTher people life tOo (espEciAlly mE).

apArt oF thEse mEss,,..i ‘vE bEen thIngkIng  bOut sumOne. wHo is vEry fAr from mE, I cOuld’nt reach it bEcoz of de dIstaNce. inFact, I won’t make other’s life horrible juZ beCoz oF me. bUt it iS de fact that hE is sUch a rElief fOr me..wArm ..safe..cOmfort..and pleasant…I mIss him especially wHen tHe wOrld mAke a meSs in my hEart. aPepOn yG jaDi ari ni, I fEel no rEgret cOz I’m dOing aLL dis fOr mY own pEople. I lOve tHem tOo..fIghTing!fIghtIng!!

it is awkward !

what is it about actually? i can"t juz live my life when i'm always thinking about others. being little confuse for a while..i do it with my own will, no one urges me to do so.,but then sumtime could feel it like a huge box on my back that i have to carry out along my way..how can i'm so confuse, or to be frank,,i juz won't understand. coz i did know that i love them so much. how could them be a burden to me??? mybe i should give sum period of time to myself to feel enjoyed with my own self. i should be smarter in handling dis. F.A.A. have to fight now!